Entering into therapy - what are we doing?
"We must continually learn to unlearn much of what we have learned, and learn to learn what we have not been taught" Ronald D Laing
Whether you have had therapy before or not, I acknowledge it is a courageous step for someone to take! Here is a bit of information which may help you to orientate towards what you can expect from your therapy journey .
We usually start therapy as we are suffering (yes, suffering does seem to be that unavoidable part of life and I have my share too!). Even though suffering is a part of life, sometimes it overwhelms us and we get stuck. We can’t resolve old memories and they keep replaying, creating pain and suffering. I see my work as a therapist is to help people to understand their suffering and to support them to resolve old memories, navigate out of that place (with the techniques I use) and cultivate new habits in their lives.
Over more than a decade as a therapist and over 30 years working and studying health I have always been deeply interested in what creates suffering in the mind and what relieves it. The techniques I use in therapy are listed on my website.
Entering therapy we usually have goals as to what we wish to achieve. We then take a non judgemental look at where we are. Depending on where we are will determine what areas we need to start cultivating on our own unique therapy journey. Everyone is different. For example, one person may need to start with cultivating their quality of sleep where as another may need to start exercising.
Cultivation does not happen overnight but is well worth the effort. Any cultivation of a garden or crop takes time. We don’t have instant results but if we take time to cultivate all the right circumstances (fertiliser, sunlight, water etc.) then the plants will grow. If those things are not there the plants will not grow no matter how many seeds you plant. This is like our mind. We need to cultivate the right qualities for our mind to grow peace and happiness in our life. Like any garden, it usually requires ongoing maintenance to keep the things out that we don’t want growing in our garden and to nurture the things we do want growing healthy and nourished.
Here are a few points about themes we may look to start to turn towards cultivating during our therapy journey….
Cultivating curiosity and awareness about yourself.
Mindfulness is an essential part of the therapy journey. First we need to be aware of what we are doing in order to change what we are doing. We don’t know what we don’t know.
Cultivating curiosity and awareness supports us to be be present to what is happening without judgement.
Cultivating the 8 C’s
I believe we all have and can access qualities in our mind of the 8 C’s: Compassionate, Caring, Curious, Calm, Clear, Creative, Courageous, Confident & Connected. The 8 C’s are named that by Richard Swartz in his Internal Family systems therapy. Part of the healing journey is uncovering and learning to appreciate our C qualities.
Cultivating Resources
Cultivating resources - I call this putting useful tools in your toolkit! This is where everyone is unique and has there own unique toolkit that works for them. I will support you to put together your own unique set of tools to use in-between therapy sessions.
Cultivating Understanding
Cultivating understanding about what is happening through education, especially understanding about our autonomic nervous system. I always say to people “knowledge is power” and I am a big fan of sharing knowledge. It empowers us to know what is going on with our nervous system, what causes it and what can change it.
Another analogy I like to use is that my life is like a huge ocean liner set on it’s long course across the sea. To make a big turn to change direction takes a long time but making a small correction in direction will get us to a very different place than where we were headed originally. Have faith that the small efforts you make towards cultivation will make a difference to where you are heading in the future. If this is a journey you decide to take, I wish you well.